At the risk of showing my age, this was the first thought that came to mind when we were told we would be doing a "Journal Club" assessment way back when we first started the MRes, and it seemed that a similar set of rules applied to the whole situation. I mean, what is a "Journal Club"? Certainly, no-one on my course seemed to know and when we asked about we were told that it was just a bit of a chat about academic articles. What the very even though? Chat about what and to whom? It was all very vague, and we all faced the prospect with some trepidation, like much of what we meet on the MRes course. So much of the content is so beyond the familiar that it's often hard to know where to start when preparing, and the things that we are to be assessed on seem to exist in some 4th dimension, unable to be pinned down on the rubric we are given that outlines how we are to be graded on our work. Much of it reminds me of the imaginary numbers I encountered whilst studying AS Level Further Maths all those years back when (imaginary numbers exist in some weird 3rd dimension and do not sit on a number line but float about somewhere in space, natural only in the imaginations of further mathematicians). The thing about the rubrics that outline how we are scored is that they are presented on a flat 2D piece of paper, yet much of what is required to achieve a respectable mark now exists in the floating about in unknown, with grades sitting amongst a complex system of overlapping boundaries that are not unlike the map that explains the different types of numbers shown below.
So, what followed? Well, mystery and intrigue and a whole lot of worry about what it was that we were supposed to be doing. Thankfully, my autism has meant that I have spent most of my life unsure of pretty much everything, especially that which is expected of me. So I approached this situation in the same way as I do everything else. I'd plan for every imaginable eventuality, and hopefully, something that I had prepared for would be close to what would crop up, and if not, I'd just wing it! I mean, the one thing I did know for sure was that we were required to talk, and one thing I can do is talk. In fact, I think it's safe to say that pretty much anyone who has ever known me would tell you that talking is one of my superpowers ( that and sleeping, but that wasn't going to do me much good here). So I prepared. I read my paper, made notes, read everyone else's paper's, and made more notes, then read other papers that were mentioned or written about a similar area of psychology for both my paper and the other papers we were to be discussing and made more notes again. When arrived at University on the morning of the Journal Club assessment I felt just as prepared as I did for every other day of my life. Clueless about what was to come, but safe in the knowledge that I had done my best to prepare as much as I could.
The waiting was the worst. Everyone had decided to meet in Café Central and the lighting in there was giving me sensory overload. I could feel my brain starting to get screechy, and everyone around me was either desperately cramming or feeling very stressed out. I decided I needed to be somewhere with lots of natural light and have a final read through my notes on my own, or I'd be in sensory overload before you could say "Tyler Durden"! So I took myself off to sit next to a lovely huge window in the library, telling everyone I would meet them there.
When the assessment came, I felt chilled and prepared and entered the room armed with Haribo and chocolate, as we had been told it would be an informal affair. The 2.5 hours went by quickly and I enjoyed the discussions and found the content of everyone else's papers intriguing. I loved hearing everyone's thoughts and ideas about my paper and that of their own, although I did find it hard to take turns, wanting to share all my thoughts and ideas but I kept it buttoned for long enough for everyone to get a chance to contribute. All in all, "Journal Club" wasn't quite as bad as we had all imagined, but I do feel that had we been introduced to the concept during our undergraduate studies it would have been a lot less daunting. It transpires that Journal Clubs are a part of academia, yet it is something that I have never heard talked about up until now. It seems to me that a lot of postgraduate study is cloaked in mystery and intrigue until you find yourself standing there surrounded faced with an assessment of the unknown. Thankfully, life has taught me that it is possible to prepare even for the unknown to a certain degree, and even if that hadn't gone to plan, as a group we have one other rule, rule number 3, "If someone yells "Stop!", goes limp, or taps out, the fight is over." Because everyone on the MRes has each other's back as studying for a Master of Research Psychology is hard and "hitting bottom is not a weekend retreat, it's not a goddamn seminar", it's MRes life and it's tough. But when we all stick together we can help each other through. But as for the undergrads who may ask about "Journal Club" well.... the first rule about "Journal Club" is you do not talk about Journal Club, don't ask me why, that's just how it is.
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